The Devil Reminisces about 20th Century Evil
Life certainly does move fast in these End-Times, doesn't it? (Sigh.) It surely will be good to get this millennium wrapped up and done with. It's been a busy century. Never a moment's rest. Then again, I rarely get any rest. Humans make it easy, of course, but I still need to orchestrate a few things, make sure the right strings get pulled, the "i's" get dotted and the "t's" get crossed, so to speak. I need to make sure that every hair gets combed just so, that every apple falls where it should. In metaphysical terms, you know.
Yes, it's been a busy century. First, those Wright boys learned to fly. My, that was fun to watch. Everybody got excited. "Look, we can fly!" I could have shown you that. All you had to do was ask me. Then we had some fun with the San Francisco earthquake. We had a little rock and roll long before it was invented. It was good, though. That city needed a shake-up. Turned out much better for it afterwards.
The First World War. Ah. Do you know how long it took to pull that one off? But it was worth it, wasn't it? REAL mechanized death, not just some colonial hoe-down. Men dying like flies. A whole generation LOST. Hahahahaha. That brings up such memories. Do you recall the Spandau Ballet? Not that idiotic band (although I'm responsible for them,too), but the real thing, when the Germans' Spandau machine guns riddled a man so fast that his dead body stayed alive on its feet, jerking and twitching in a death dance. Can't you still smell the mustard gas and the cordite, see the men rotting in the trenches by the thousands after each futile charge? "Over the top, boys!" Ah yes, those were days.
And then those foolish disarmament treaties. I could have told you they never lead anywhere. They lead, in fact, to more arms, not less. Oh well, nobody would have listened. Hey, even the Krupps and the DuPonts needed to eat. Even old man Winchester had kids to raise. I could tell you a great story about the Winchesters, but we'll save that for another millennium. We all had fun in the twenties, remember? First prohibition, then The Crash, and all to a great jazz soundtrack! Times were good, eh?
Had fun with the old dustbowl, it sure snuffed out a lot of promising young lives. And that Great Depression on top of everything? Lots of suffering, I can tell you that. Lots of miserable people, huddling without hope. Oh yeah.
Luckily, one thing came along to fix all that and give some hope back to the unemployed. Do you remember what I'm talking about? That's right, Double-U-Double-U-Two, The Big One. That guy in Germany, what was his name, the one who built the Autobahn? I've known a bunch like him in my time. Adolph! Yes, Adolph. He just wanted to clean things up, right? Those were some times. Business was really good then. How many died? It was at least twenty million Russians, maybe ten million Jews? More maybe? No one ever counted, did they? I lost count, myself. They really tried to set things up in a nice, orderly, way, kind of like a factory. And the world let them for a long time. Eventually, that came to an end. But it did end with a bang. We did get Hiroshima and Nagasaki out of it, even if most people forget that more people died in the Tokyo firebombing in one night than at Hiroshima. People ran into the rivers that night in Tokyo trying to escape the fires. You know what happened to them? They were boiled alive. Hahahaha! That was a good one. Oh yeah. I suppose the A-bomb just seemed more glamorous, though.
Then we had what you call the "Cold War" but, believe me, there was plenty cooking. We had a quickie in Korea. We had Indochina. We had the Cultural Revolution. I liked that one. I had lots to say then. I thought I might take a breather somewhere along there, but the Sixties came along and I just had to stick around. Free love? Peace? No way! Turn on, tune in, and drop out! Yeah! Lots of fun. People were writing songs about me (The Stones even told their listeners to have sympathy for me!). I had friends in high places. Muahahahaha! Yes, the Sixties were fun. The Seventies were a special gift from me. Lots of bad rock acts and politicians. Lots of shitty sitcoms. A couple of diseases that I'd meant to distribute sooner, but hadn't gotten the chance to. I still get nostalgic. I should go and look at my Betamax home movies of the Seventies sometime.
The Eighties just seemed to come and go, didn't they? That stupid little Mac computer didn't really bother me. And Michael Jackson, remember him? I still have plans for him.
I've been pretty busy lately. I've traveled a bit in Africa in the Nineties. I got to see the AIDS epidemic first-hand, and I got to take a look at all those Tutus and Hutus killing each other. Been to Somalia. Yeah, been there, done that. And Kosovo. And Bosnia.
I guess people have been getting a bit loopy over this Millennium. And why not? It should be a lot of fun! No reason to worry, though. I can assure you of that. It'll be just like every other Millennium. And afterwards, when the clock hits midnight on the dawn of 2000, nothing will be different. As for me, it'll be just another day. Really. I plan to be up bright and early the next day for business as usual. I'll see you then. <Wink>
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